


bye stress (hi dick)

by ElasticElla, poiregourmande



Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Background Relationships, Blow Jobs, Cock Warming, M/M, Polyamory, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-08
Updated: 2018-11-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 10:45:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16554302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElasticElla/pseuds/ElasticElla, https://archiveofourown.org/users/poiregourmande/pseuds/poiregourmande
Summary: “I wanna do better,” Zach confesses, high enough now to even speak his fears without their usual anxiety.“Dude, you do great.”Zach smiles, “At blowjobs I mean.”“Ohhhhhh,” Keith draws out, fingers making a pattern on his tummy. “Yeah, there might be some room for improvement there.”





	bye stress (hi dick)

**Author's Note:**

> this is a companion piece to [the try guys test roadhead](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16509014), if you don't wanna read it really all you need to know is zach did not give great roadhead
> 
> and this is my (ella's) first time ever writing fic with another writer, em was an absolute delight and genius to work with <3  
> if you like this, comment for more rarepair co-created content and we'll see what happens (｡^ ヮ ^｡)

Zach can’t develop a complex about this. He doesn’t have the time, or the energy, for yet another one, and so what if he gave the worst blowjob ever? It seems to be a running theme – he still can’t watch that sexy drinks video, and at least here he got the better end of the deal.

Then again, Keith’s been going on and on about how amazing he is even more than usual and sometimes he just wants to –

“To shut me up with your dick?” Keith asks with a too wide grin.

Zach groans, must have been thinking out loud again, and takes another hit. “Sorry, you know how weed gets me.”

“Mhmm, gimme some.”

Zach’s confused, and Keith’s huge face is coming in closer, mouth wide open, and Zach panics, exhaling smoke right as he realizes what Keith was attempting.

“Oh– shit,” Zach coughs out, throat burning like he’s a freshman in college all over again.

“I can do it,” Keith offers, reaching for the bong.

Zach slaps his hand away, “Nah, I got it. I didn’t realize – it’s, I got this.”

“Okay,” Keith says, leaning back on his hands.

And maybe that was a mistake, because Zach takes a deep inhale without thinking about it, and Keith doesn’t sit back up. Zach scoots closer, leaning precariously forward to slot his mouth over Keith’s, and Keith only moves his hand to cup the back of his neck. Heat rushes down Zach’s spine at the contact, Keith had gripped his neck just like this in the car – and then with all the smoke out of his lungs, he collapses into Keith’s lap.

Keith laughs out the hit, big hands skimming over his body to make sure he’s fine. “I know I’m smokin’ babey, you don’t have to throw yourself at me.”

He winks in the most annoying – but attractive, dammit – way, and maneuvers Zach around to sit him safely against the couch. Zach tries to pretend he’s irked by that, but the manhandling is kinda really doing it for him. Luckily he can blame going all limp in Keith’s arms on the weed.

But then Keith’s hand is cupping the back of his neck again and he speaks really close to Zach’s mouth. “Alright here? You’re not gonna fall again?”

“Not physically,” Zach hears himself speak, like his judgement doesn’t have a say in the words coming out of his mouth. “I can’t guarantee I won’t fall for you.”

Keith beams, his stupid huge mouth stretching even bigger, and Zach is filled with the urge to taste it. He fists a hand through Keith’s shirt to pull him even closer, and Keith’s face goes all soft. The face he makes when he’s taking something seriously. If Zach were asked, he’d say this is Keith at his most beautiful. When he’s not trying.

Then Keith’s mouth gapes open and Zach licks into it, and it’s messy and not at all graceful but damn if it’s not fun and hot as hell. Through all of it Keith’s hand stays pressed against the back of Zach’s neck, thumbing circles into his scalp, and Zach can’t hold back soft moans.

Keith pulls Zach into his lap, his back to him, and they pass the bong back and forth, their movements getting lazier and hazier. Keith leaves mindless lovebites down the back of Zach’s neck – he seems to have a thing for his neck, and Zach can’t say he’s against it.

“I wanna do better,” Zach confesses, high enough now to even speak his fears without their usual anxiety.

“Dude, you do great.”

Zach smiles, “At blowjobs I mean.”

“Ohhhhhh,” Keith draws out, fingers making a pattern on his tummy. “Yeah, there might be some room for improvement there.”

Zach turns around his lap to face him, and Keith wriggles his eyebrows, “I’m here to help.”

And so they try. Oh my god, do they try. At first, of course, emboldened by his dire need to succeed and the shame from last time, he tries to bite off more than he can chew. Actually no, that’s possibly the worst possible metaphor for this situation. He tries to take as much as he can of Keith’s giant dick into his tiny mouth, but it does not end well.

“I have a gag reflex from hell,” Zach says miserably, pulling off Keith’s dick, sputtering and choking. “This is the universe’s way of telling me I shouldn’t be sucking cock.”

“Hey, no, don’t get so discouraged,” Keith says, poking him in the cheek to make him smile. “Look, I’ve never met anyone who could fit this in their mouth. I’m probably the best candidate for it, except I can’t reach. You don’t have to suck the whole thing to make it good.”

“No?”

“Most of the best stuff happens around the tip anyway. Just use your hand for the rest and we should be in business.”

Business, it turns out, is _booming_. Once Zach stops trying to shove everything in his mouth, he can do it without panicking or choking. It’s like being at a buffet: if your first plate is too big you’ll tap out fast. And that’s two for two on metaphors that shouldn’t involve sucking dick. He does try to take in a little more each time, suck a little harder, get Keith to come a little faster – he can’t help having that sweet competitive edge.

So maybe Zach gets a little obsessed.

“It’s been a half hour, Habersberger! Get it up or get out!”

Okay, a lot obsessed.

Keith sighs dramatically, clasping his shoulder. “Zach, when you get to be my venerable age–”

“You’re barely three years older than me.”

“– you become wise and learned, and you know a dick requires much time to reawaken. The circle of life, young Zachary, must continue ever on –”

Zach stomps, pouting as big as he can, “I wanna try again _now_.”

Keith snorts. “You can’t honestly think this is helping your case.”

“I am a try guy,” Zach declares, rubbing his nails against his shirt. “You can’t stifle me like this.”

Keith tosses a banana before Zach processes the motion, fumbling the fruit. “This should do. Do you want anything from KFC? Corn on the cob? Cucumber? Other phallic food stuffs?”

“They don’t even sell cucumbers there,” Zach mumbles, dusting off the banana.

Keith bites his lip – not the exaggerated, ‘shouldn’t be sexy but still is’ lip bite that comes to mind too quickly, but genuinely looks to be considering something. “You’re uh, gonna wash that if you try to stick it down your throat, right?”

Zach whips the banana at Keith’s head.

Because life isn’t fair, he doesn’t even come close to the ginormous target, banana toppling behind the couch.

“You’re not gonna leave that there for months, are you?”

“How else would we get the _eau de banana bread_ office smell just right?”

“After all the time Ariel put into redesigning this place –”

“You say that like you didn’t bend me over that couch less than an hour ago.”

“Hey! I would never do that to your back; I believe I very gently, and carefully, placed you on the couch before making _luuuurve_ to you,” Keith says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Uh huh, don’t you have a flock of fried chickens to get?” Zach asks, and if his cheeks are burning, it’s only because the air conditioning is clearly failing in this house. (This is what they get for inheriting an office building from a Florida man.)

“The chickens, they call to me! Beautiful Keith shall return with sustenance.”

Zach watches the door close, shaking his head in a futile attempt to forget the words. What a terrible concept. He just _knows_ in the near future he’s gonna have nightmares about chickens talking to Keith as he eats them and – nope. Not gonna let the brain continue that line of thought.

(There’s an evil voice in the back of his mind that is definitely Eugene’s, suggesting what if Keith ate him instead and dammit, he was almost not horny for a minute there.)

Zach stays horny pretty much 24/7 for the following weeks, trying to get his mouth on Keith as often as he can, watching more than his usual share of porn. It’s during one of these ill-advised strolls in pornland that Zach comes across something new. (New in a good way, not like googling what the fuck tub girl was, and being traumatized – he’s never been so betrayed by porn, by his dear internet.)

It’s something he can’t get out of his head for like three days straight. He finally brings it up to Keith after realizing it might solve all their problems.

“Keith? Beautiful Keith,” he adds, because he really wants him to agree. And as Zach knows, flattery will get him everywhere – Keith is already grinning. “I wanna try something.”

Keith’s grin falters in the slightest way. “Is this another thing that will leave me sore and exhausted?”

Zach hesitates. “...it shouldn’t be?” He tries to give a reassuring smile but he’s so nervous about bringing up a new kink he probably looks like an axe murderer.

Keith sighs as he pulls out his grinder and a little bag of buds. “I’m listening?” He begins the familiar process, and Zach lets himself focus on Keith’s fingers going through the motions, keeping his anxiety at bay.

“I – um, it’s – have you heard about cockwarming?”

Keith cocks up an eyebrow, grin back on his face. “Yeah, okay. Sure.”

“I was thinking it would help me train my mouth to take more, since you’ll be soft, and we wouldn’t have to deal with your refractory period –” Zach rambles on, words tumbling out of his mouth before his anxiety comes back and makes him change his mind.

“Zach. Zach, babe.” Keith sets a soothing hand over his knee. “I already agreed.”

“Oh,” he breathes, mentally rewinding the conversation. “Cool.”

“Did you wanna try it now or –”

“Now’s good!” Zach says, pushing him to sit down on the couch.

Keith allows himself to be moved with a gentle laugh. “You really can’t let yourself get backed up like this – bottling up your desires – it can’t be healthy.”

Zach rolls his eyes, grabbing a pillow for his knees. “Uh huh. Next time I’ll mention new kinks the second I come across them.”

Keith grins, “Try guys, baby.”

“Speaking of, I heard this funny acronym, CBT –”

“Cognitive behavioral therapy?”

"Not exactly." Zach's mouth curls into an almost cruel smirk, but Keith brushes a hand through his hair as he gets his dick out, and Zach forgets all about kinks he found in the dark pits of the internet.

His dick doesn’t look scary at all – not like it’s ever _actually_ scary – but it’s more manageable like this. Like an intern dick that’s willing to get coffee if not pick up the dry cleaning – dammit he’s really blowing these cock metaphors. Zach licks his lips, and just goes for it, taking as much of Keith’s dick in his mouth as he can without blocking an airway.

... it’s odd. There’s no getting around the fact that having a soft dick filling up his mouth is a weird new sensation, and he’s half convinced he’s going to accidentally bite down. He swallows reflexively, and then there’s more dick in his mouth – and that’s not possible, this isn’t a horror movie or –

“Shit, sorry. Well, y’know your mouth is really nice,” Keith says. “I see it and wanna – wanna fuck it.”

Zach laughs around him, can actually move his mouth now without fearing catastrophic injury. He brings a hand up, partly to jack off the base and partly so he doesn’t choke himself. He pulls off to speak.

“Fine,” he says, rolling his eyes, “guess I’ll get you off. But then – then you let me do my thing.”

“Mhmm,” Keith agrees distractedly, fully hard now and hips bucking eagerly.

Zach takes him in his mouth again, sucking him with unmatched enthusiasm – he’s very much looking forward to the post-orgasm part, so he’s got no intention of taking it slow.

“Y’know it’s kind of funny, first you want me hard all the time and now soft, it’s like-”

Zach pulls off again, glaring up at him, “Really? We could just try edging instead.”

“Kinky.”

“Oh yeah, very kinky. Five hours, no orgasms, such kink.”

“On second thought…” Keith cups Zach’s face to guide him back to his cock. “Shutting up, now.”

Zach’s tempted to make a joke about Keith thinking, but he’d much rather fast forward to the good part. Sucking the tip into his mouth, and tightening his grip, he goes to work. There’s really no skill or beauty in this method, but popping the head in and out of his mouth quickly while using excessive saliva is guaranteed to make Keith come fast.

And sure enough, not even a minute later – his mouth isn’t even sore or dry yet – and Keith is groaning, nearly choking him with the grip on his neck. “Fuck Za-chary,” Keith moans, “your hands –”

Only one of Zach’s hands is even on his dick, the other resting on his thigh, and he’ll definitely make fun of him later if he remembers. To be honest, he probably won’t. Keith’s thighs are quivering under his fingers, and he’s letting out a string of broken-off dirty talk, long since dissolved into nonsense. Moans spill out of his mouth unabashedly, interspersed with half-assed attempts at calling Zach’s name.

Zach hums the Simpsons intro, which also happens to be the one song he can play on the piano, and Keith comes down his throat with a shaky laugh.

“You’re such a brat,” Keith lets out, still trying to catch his breath.

Zach winks at him, but doesn’t take the bait, keeping his mouth soft and still. He can feel all the tension leaving his body as his focus narrows to his mouth. It almost feels like meditating in a twisted way.

Dick yoga, he thinks, and almost bursts out laughing around Keith’s cock.

Keith must feel the suppressed laughter, using that moment to strike. “So this is fun and all, but what am I supposed to do while you play hide the salami?”

Zach vaguely waves towards Keith’s laptop lying on the coffee table. _Work, or something_ , he means, but doesn’t wanna actually pull off and say it.

“Yeah, I guess we can watch porn. Isn’t that counterproductive?”

Zach shakes his head, an obvious and universal sign for _no_ , as Keith reaches for the laptop. “Alrighty, if you think this isn’t counterproductive I’m game.”

Zach pinches his inner thigh, and Keith yelps. “Okay! Easy on the quality goods babe! I’ll just check my email.”

.

Weeks later, and they’ve developed patterns. Between date nights with Keith, date nights with Becky too, and fucking, there really isn’t enough time to do everything. So maybe they mess around at work more than they should.

Tuesday morning means Ned and Eugene are out for their midmorning brunch, probably with Ariel, and Zach and Keith can take advantage of the empty office. Well, once they send their staff away to get props for an upcoming video, or Starbucks, whatever, Keith dealt with it. They’re having a grand old time, Keith chowing down on some drumsticks while Zach holds his cock in his mouth, on his knees before him. It really has been helping lower his stress, and he hasn’t found a chill way to explain it to his therapist yet, but he will eventually.

It’s the makings for a glorious day, Zach’s eyes falling shut as he zones out. He can fit almost all Keith’s cock in his mouth like this, a warm thrum of accomplishment in his gut. He recognizes the familiar cottonball brain feel that overtakes him whenever he’s really in the zone, when he hears a scream.

“What the fuck!” Ned yells, and oh shit, Ned is here. Zach whacks his head on the coffee table trying to get up too fast, and Keith isn’t even phased, turning to him with a grin.

“Oh hey, I thought you two were out of the office until one today?”

“Told you they check the shared calendar,” Eugene mutters, and oh fuck they’re both here. Of course they’re both here, and Zach’s face is on fire. Somehow until now, the whole Keith and Zach sometimes banging thing hadn’t come up. Becky knows of course, so Zach figured she might have told Ariel, but Ned and Eugene look too surprised.

Keith’s dick is still out, soft and wet, and it’s a testament to how many nude videos they’ve done together that no one’s mentioned it yet.

“What if Wes had been with me?” Ned asks.

“Heh good thing he wasn't, then,” Keith says, just as Eugene asks, “Do babies even have memories?”

“Wrong question, Eugene!”

Ned sighs, taking a deep breath. “Look guys, we have employees. This is an HR violation. Not here okay?”

Keith finally puts his dick away, and Zach does not whimper at all. “I texted them to get some Starbucks on the company card, they shouldn’t be here for a while.”  
  
Ned grabs his hair, “THE COMPANY’S BUDGET ISN’T FOR YOUR SEXCAPADES!”  
  
Zach perks up, “What about when you and Eugene brought Ariel to a fancy restaurant?”  
  
Eugene says, “We made a video out of it. Check and mate.”  
  
Keith shrugs, “I mean we can make a video about this too?”

“Oh! Oh! I got this!” Zach exclaims. “It'll be called 'How I Learned to Stop Hating My Small Mouth and –' wait no, better, 'You Won't Believe This One Crazy Trick to Reduce Anxiety! Psychiatrists Hate Him!' ”

“Clickbait does do well,” Eugene points out.

Ned’s eyes go wide, “Et tu Eugene? ET TU?”

Keith claps his hands together, “Great, we’ll film some side bits, and –”

“Remember when we just tried on women’s underwear? Those were the days...”

Eugene whispers something to Ned, definitely scandalous, judging by the new grin and flush on his face, and Eugene wraps an arm around his waist. “We’re heading out to explore other creative avenues. The office is yours today.”

Eugene winks as he passes, and Zach resists the urge to do a fist pump.

The proverbial lightbulb goes off as the door shuts, and Zach taps his finger tips together. “Hey Keith, remember how you bet you could fit both my hands in your mouth?”

Keith, Beautiful Keith, grins wide, “I do…”


End file.
